Stress Management
Most of us need relatively equal amounts of work, rest, and play in order to lead a balanced life.
The world, however, doesn’t always cooperate with us and sometimes we have to sacrifice what may well be our most favorite pastime– play! Plus, when we finally find the time to enjoy some fun, we won’t always be in sync with our partners, hence possibly leading to disappointment or conflict!
So you find yourself in a situation wherein you and your lover disagree more than occasionally on how to enjoy time together, here are six tips to help you freshen up your playtime!
1. Make sure that your partner isn’t avoiding contact with you for some unspoken reason. For instance, maybe you’ve made several attempts at having fun together but your “good time” has often deteriorated into a “bad time.” If there is something causing your partner to not want to hang out with you, address whatever it is ASAP!
2. Suggest options that appeal to both of you. If the two of you have varied interests without much overlap, you may need to exercise increased flexibility so that you both find playtime to be enjoyable. Consider taking turns picking the activity so that you each get your first choice evenly.
3. Once you settle on something to do together, even if it isn’t your favorite option, don’t complain. There is nothing worse than hanging out with a spoilsport.
4. Keep your expectations reasonable. Even highly compatible couples don’t always want to do the same thing, let alone at the same time.
5. Be empathetic toward your lover if he/she needs extra rest. Don’t take it personally. Just make sure that there isn’t something physically wrong causing fatigue. And remember: resting together can also sometimes be logged as playtime.
6. Remind your partner that a couple who plays together more likely stays together! Without any sort of pressure – state the importance of the relationship to you and how you want to do whatever you can to help it grow in a healthy way!
Now, most importantly, get in the sandbox and have some fun!!
When people hear the words “pain” and “positivity” in the same sentence, they often react with “No way–that’s an oxymoron!” But the two experiences don’t have to be mutually exclusive!
Let me explain.
Recently, I threw out my back. Not the simple tweak (i.e., ice pack, anti-inflammatory, and a day of rest to relieve the discomfort), but rather the kind that inspires the all-out reaction of, “OMG–will I ever be able to walk pain-free again?!” By the 10th day of barely being able to care for myself without crying out in agony, my mind went to some pretty dark places. Fortunately, I’m one of the lucky ones since my back-condition only yields acute-pain (i.e., temporary rather than chronic). Plus, I have considerable control over flare-ups based on how I treat my body. But pain is pain and what I learned is that our mind-set and our actions toward pain directly correlate with how we end up feeling. Hence, if we approach pain with doom and gloom, our pain might worsen. But if we stay hopeful and create proactive solutions, we might very well find ourselves feeling less pain!
While my heart goes out to anyone who experiences suffering and I certainly understand that simple quick fix tips won’t help everyone, for those who experience temporary discomfort (be it physical or even emotional), below are some ideas/actions on how to turn negative thoughts surrounding pain into some level of positivity.
- Release your negative thoughts to the Universe. You can do this by journaling and then burning the paper. Or create any ritual of expression, followed by an action of cleansing.
- Make a gratitude list. No matter how dire your situation- if you are still breathing – you continue to have the gift of life. Don’t undervalue it.
- State five positive affirmations and shout them aloud five times per day. These don’t have to be grandiose like “I’m the coolest person on the planet” just realistic and positive. For instance, you might say- “Regardless of my pain, I still remain a generous person.”
- Say “NO” to dark thoughts! Remember, a thought is just a thought unless you fuel it by action. So if you have a negative thought, visualize a stop sign and a detour onto a new path. Move away from negativity and take the route of positivity.
- Ask for help when you need it. I know so many people who practice the “suck-it-up method” instead of the “I could really use your help” method. Of course, we want to spread out the requests so we don’t burn out any one person. But keep in mind that friends are not just for fair-weather but also for the stormy times!
- Seek proper medical advice. Whether you practice Eastern, Western, or some other type of medical philosophy – pursue all remedies available and choose the ones best suited for your situation.
- Practice prevention. Do everything you can on a daily basis to keep your body and mind strong and healthy. Sometimes we have to push through our pain; and other times, we need to pamper ourselves. Learn what’s better for you.
Most importantly, remember that a little bit of light can go along way!
Feeling Groovy! Five Steps To Turn Attitude Into Gratitude!
Do you ever wake up on the wrong side of the bed wishing the day would pass quickly? Or, ever find yourself nitpicking at trivial things or people, unable to get out of a funk? Well you won’t be the first to admit to having a bad attitude at times nor will you be the last. But you might experience shorter-lived and fewer of these moments if you try the following.
- Think opposites! Since positivity opposes negativity, try reversing all negative thoughts into positive ones. For instance, if your thought-for-the-day is “people are cruel” – instead say “many kind-hearted people exist, I should find them!”
- Write down five things about you and your life for which you should be grateful. If you can breathe, which I assume you can since you’re reading this, then put that as the first item on your list!
- Clear the source of “why” you have a bad attitude. For instance, if someone is mistreating you, then set better boundaries with him or her.
- Don’t succumb to the notion that “time heals all wounds” because you’ll be waiting a very long time to feel better. Instead, turn time into your friend by taking positive actions to shake up your ‘tude.
- Practice self reliance and accountability. While it’s tempting and often easier to point the finger away from ourselves with regards to how we come to feel what we feel – ultimately it’s our interpretation of events around us that determine our feelings. Hence, if you shift your perception or interpretation of an experience – you can find the silver lining!
And remember, attitudes are contagious. So, what would you like people to catch from you?
Don’t Contact Your Ex!
Break-ups come in all varieties from quick-and-simple to lengthy-and-complicated. Whether you have done the dumping or have just been dumped, almost always, a painful healing process ensues. However, just how intense or drawn-out that repair process will be heavily depends on how you deal with your former lover.
What’s the secret to getting through your emotional heartache as quickly as possible? The number one rule: Don’t contact your ex, no matter what! Even if your toilet is overflowing and he has historically been you ever-available handyman, don’t text, don’t call, or reach out in any other way. “Why,” you might ask? Because our minds often play funny tricks on us. And contacting your ex will merely give you the illusion you are still in a relationship with him and, hence, prolong fully realizing and accepting the end of it. In fact, each time you contact him, you set yourself back two steps.
Whether or not you believe me- you have considerable control over how quickly you can bounce back and return to the game of love. But you need to take back your heart and recognize that he is an empty well for water! So what do you do instead to keep the forward momentum going?
If you want to heal like the speed of lightening rather than wallow in sorrow and self-pity, practice the following 3 tips.
- Keep yourself busy. Spend time with supportive family members and friends. Finish a project you’ve been putting on hold or volunteer for your favorite charity.
- Reflect on what went wrong in the relationship. Don’t shame or blame yourself. Rather do an inventory of your own responsibility for the demise of the relationship. When you take accountability of your own actions you enable yourself to have a better relationship in the future.
- Practice self-soothing. One of the reasons why most of us love being in a relationship involves the pleasure we receive from being cuddled by our lover. But his arms no longer reach out for you. So you must learn to give yourself the love and comfort you desire and not turn to him.
Of course, refraining from contact with your ex is no easy task, especially if you are still in love with the dude. Even harder will be those days when you feel so desperate to hear his voice and believe that he is the only one who can make your pain disappear. But no matter how strong the urge becomes, you simply must say “no” to the impulse to contact him. And remember, there are plenty of good guys out there and love will come again!
Feeling Some Post-holiday Funk? Six Tips To Purge The Emotional Junk And Pave The Way To A New Year Free Of Gunk!
Some of us, myself included, can push ourselves to the limit by constantly trying to please others, giving the perfect gifts, and/or providing holiday cheer to all. While the excitement of all the festivities can exhilarate us to an adrenaline rush akin to jumping out of a plane – we may not always land on two feet. Hence, some will crash, leading to adrenal burnout or, at best, exhaustion!
If this speaks to you – try the following quick tips:
- Practice the word “NO” for one whole week. I mean it. Unless it’s going to cost you your job or mess with your family duties, try rejecting request that you don’t have to do otherwise your energy will be depleted yet again.
- Make time for exercise! This is not a prescription for diet and weight loss. Putting our bodies in motion makes us feel better. Whether you aim for three 10-minute walks a day or a jog in the park – just do something active.
- Eat your greens and other highly nutritional foods. This probably sounds cliché and something your mother has always advised you of doing – but it really makes sense! More than likely you, like the rest of us, indulged in too much of those yummy treats surrounding us at family and friends’ gatherings. Healthy eating gives your body a chance to repair. Besides, you want to be prepared for extra helpings of your favorite chocolate at Valentine’s Day! J
- Without breaking the budget or putting yourself in debt, treat yourself to something you didn’t get as a present, but desperately wanted. A little bit of healthy self-indulgence can actually make room for more compassion and energy for others.
- Make a date with your closest friend or your lover where you can hang out and relax with no pressure to accomplish anything. Simple bonding with another human being can help to soothe built-up tension. And if you can add in a couple of hugs—all the better!
- Release any negative energy that may have developed from unpleasant family interactions. This can come in the form of meditation, journaling, deep breathing, or anything else that invites in positive flow.
So here’s to a funk and gunk-free, slam dunk New Year. Now there’s a mouthful!
New Year, New You: Stop Chasing Resolutions! Start Making the Changes You Desire!
Are you someone who makes New Year resolutions but tend not to follow through? If you answered “yes,” you certainly wouldn’t be alone! In my experience, both professionally and personally, most people rarely make changes in their behavioral patterns simply because of a specified “date.” While positive intentions motivate the aspiration, specific dates and times of the year have no real power to actually press forth a desire to change. Rather, the capacity to make changes comes from igniting an internal fire!
So rather than stating a laundry list of resolutions for the upcoming New Year, get honest with yourself today and initiate one small step toward a goal you’ve been coveting. First, do whatever it takes to get your mood modified so that you will be successful at whatever change you undertake. And then, as said by the Nike marketers, “Just Do It.” For instance, if you want to lose 5 pounds, practice a meditation daily where you visualize fat shedding from your body. Then translate that into a behavioral modification: don’t eat that extra piece of apple pie or that handful of white-chocolate-peppermint covered pretzels at your company’s holiday party. Rather, opt for the veggie platter with a small sampling of the other goodies. Or if you desire engaging in a new hobby in your spare time, like making ceramic bowls, rather than searching for the perfect class at just the right time to fit your schedule, go out and buy some Play-doh and go at it!
Most importantly, remember it is you who controls whether or not you move toward or away from your goals. While life’s circumstances can certainly make our lives harder or easier, don’t forget you are still in the driver’s seat of your life. So, choose and change at your will!
Monday Mood Modifier: Six Tips To Beating The Holiday Blues
Are you excited about the holidays or do you have a sinking feeling of dread? Or maybe, you have a mixture of both. While for many people the holidays can conjure up positive memories and anticipation of good times –for others, the year-end festivities bring about sadness, stress, and possibly even despair.
Some people have always had a “Scrooge-like” attitude toward “tis-the-season-to-be…” whereas others may have once welcomed the winter gatherings but have now developed negative sentiments because of various life events. For instance, up until four years ago, I had always looked forward to year-end celebrations. But then, my father passed smack dab in the middle of the holiday season. While it was clearly time for my pops to let go and say “goodbye”, I now experience bittersweet feelings when this time of year approaches—a mixture of both joy and a sense of loss and sadness.
The holidays can also raise levels of angst because family members don’t get along or because someone doesn’t have family and friends close by. If you’re somebody who cringes at the sight of penguins on wrapping paper or shelves of menorahs begging to be bought, it just might be time to generate or rekindle some holiday spirit. Try the following six mood modifiers:
- If you buy presents for others – remember it’s the thought that counts. Too many people stress over picking the perfect gift. You can’t please everyone all the time. So cut yourself some slack.
- Stay within your budget. In other words, don’t kill the buzz by racking up credit card debt you’ll have to pay down for the entire next year!
- Create your own group of loved ones to share special time with during the season. If you don’t have family around, or you have family but you don’t care to spend time with them, gather up a group of friends. Plus, celebratory gatherings don’t have to land on the specific day of a holiday, just plan something during the season so you have an event to look forward to.
- Take care of your own needs. Many people burn out during the holiday season because they put everybody else’s needs first and forget about their own needs. So be mindful of striking a balance between the two.
- Do activities to relieve stress. Examples: exercising, resting, eating healthfully, walking the dog, etc.
- If you find yourself melancholy, then allow yourself a bit of indulgence in experiencing your feelings to the fullest. But don’t make it a pity party. Instead, give yourself a time limit so that once you’ve had a good cry it’s time to pick yourself up and face the day!
Ok – so maybe you won’t be “dashing through the snow…laughing all the way,” but at least you won’t be saying “bah humbug!”
Monday Mood Modifier: ”Bearly” Getting By? Five Tips To Perk Yourself Up!
Photo by Dr. Debra (taken in Ketchikan, Alaska)
Does your life sometimes feel overwhelmingly difficult? Do you sometimes wake up in a mood that resembles the roar of a grizzly bear? Don’t despair – you can get yourself back on track with just a few simple tasks.
- Splash cold water on your face and tell yourself: “this too shall pass.”
- Make a list of five things you appreciate about your life.
- Take a walk or do some jumping jacks–something to get your energy flowing.
- Do a “burning bowl” – write out all of your worries or negative thoughts on a piece of paper, then take them outside in a safe place and light the paper on fire. Tell the universe to help absorb the unwanted energy.
- Read an inspirational quote. Can’t find one: ask a friend!
Is Preoccupation Your Favorite Location? 7 Tips On How To Stop Being Consumed With Worry And Start Living In The Present Moment!
Has someone ever asked you: “Hey, what are you thinking about?” or something of the sort, referring to observing you checkout of a conversation? Or do you often find yourself consumed with thoughts about things over which you don’t have any immediate control? Or have you been so entrenched in random thoughts, you’ve totally lost track of time? IF you answered “yes” to any of the above, then preoccupation may have become your favorite location. And you’re probably missing out on enjoyable moments in the present because you simply can’t get your mind off of other unnecessary distractions.
Of course, I’m teasing when I infer that anyone actually favors or likes being in a state of worry, but I want to get your attention because, while you may not enjoy worrying, you’ve become attached in some way to your fears and concerns. But, just as you can “unfollow” someone on Twitter, or block someone from your Facebook, you can learn to “unfriend” one of the enemies of the mind—i.e., preoccupation!
Clearly, you aren’t the first or only person on the planet to become somewhat obsessive about the details of life. After all, we live in a complicated world with many pressures and stressors. But worrying about things we have no control over – namely, the past or the future, is a recipe for disaster! Plus it breeds, not only emotional discomfort and anxiety (fearing danger when there is none), but a whole lot of other bodily ailments such as: sleepless nights, headaches, muscle tension, and loss of motivation. That’s not to say that planning for the future and/or assessing mistakes made in the past and learning from them doesn’t have great value. But dwelling on something that hasn’t happened yet (and may never happen) or being mired in regret over things that have already passed, will only thwart your ability to enjoy the present moment and deprive you of peace and joy.
So if you’re ready to start occupying your mind more productively, try the following 7 tips:
- Visualize a stop sign in your mind. This should be erected whenever you travel down the road to worry and preoccupation. Symbolic pictures in our mind are powerful in redirecting our thoughts.
- Replace all “what if” questions with “what is,” and “what else?” For instance, if you fear you will be passed over for a promotion and then worry that you’ll never be able to afford your dream vacation (the ‘what if’), you should instead think, “As of now, I’m still in the running (the ‘what is’), but whether I get the promotion or not, I can look at other avenues to earn extra money for travel (the ‘what else’).” This allows for positive outcomes instead of catastrohpies.
- Remind yourself that most of the things we worry about don’t actually happen and when they do, they usually aren’t as bad as we imagined. Of course, this isn’t always the case. Sometimes you will have to deal with catastrophes. But at least save your internal resources for when they actually occur and not waste them on pictures of events that aren’t reality.
- Keep a journal of things that bother you. Sometimes, simply putting our worries down on paper allows them to dissipate more quickly.
- Practice the triangle of getting centered. 1) Sit down in a supportive position with feet firmly planted on the ground; 2) take ten deep breaths exhaling longer than inhaling; 3) scan the immediate environment for danger. Usually you’ll discover that there is no imminent threat to your wellbeing, so you will start to relax.
- Don’t procrastinate! Obviously, this is easier said than done for those who have become accustomed to putting off until tomorrow what should be done today. But, while there are some things we can postpone without serious consequences, life usually runs more smoothly when we tackle what’s within our reach in the present moment.
- Do not over schedule yourself. Even if you are superman/woman, we all have limitations to how much we can get done in any given day, lest we compromise meeting our basic needs. Sure you can forgo sleep for a night or two to accomplish something you’re really excited about, but that would not be a healthy solution long-term.
Now sit back, think happy thoughts, and take life one-step at a time!
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© Copyright Dr. Debra Mandel – All rights reserved.
© Copyright Dr. Debra Mandel – All rights reserved.
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