Spirituality Archives - Dr. Debra Mandel

Anger · Goal Setting · How to Thrive! · Relationships · Self-Image · Self-Love · Spirituality · Stress Management

Feeling Groovy! Five Steps To Turn Attitude Into Gratitude!

Do you ever wake up on the wrong side of the bed wishing the day would pass quickly? Or, ever find yourself nitpicking at trivial things or people, unable to get out of a funk? Well you won’t be the first to admit to having a bad attitude at times nor will you be the last. But you might experience shorter-lived and fewer of these moments if you try the following.

Think opposites! Since positivity opposes negativity, try reversing all negative thoughts into positive ones. For instance, if your thought-for-the-day is “people are cruel” – instead say “many kind-hearted people exist, I should find them!”
Write down five things about you and your life for which you should be grateful. If you can breathe, which I assume you can since you’re reading this, then put that as the first item on your list!
Clear the source of “why” you have a bad attitude. For instance, if someone is mistreating you, then set better boundaries with him or her.
Don’t succumb to the notion that “time heals all wounds” because you’ll be waiting a very long time to feel better. Instead, turn time into your friend by taking positive actions to shake up your ‘tude.
Practice self reliance and accountability. While it’s tempting and often easier to point the finger away from ourselves with regards to how we come to feel what we feel – ultimately it’s our interpretation of events around us that determine our feelings. Hence, if you shift your perception or interpretation of an experience – you can find the silver lining!

And remember, attitudes are contagious. So, what would you like people to catch from you?

October 25, 2023

About Psychotherapy · Anger · Communication · Creativity · Depression · How to Thrive! · Monday Mood Modifier · Self-Image · Self-Love · Spirituality

In A Rut? Five Tips To Break-up The Monotony

All of us get stuck in situations, or with people, where we feel like we’re trapped in some version of “groundhog day.” As such, we may experience our lives as monotonous or boring, even sometimes to the level of purposelessness. Sound familiar? Don’t despair!

Whether you’re entrenched in a dead-end job, a stale relationship, an empty house after your children have launched, or some other unfulfilling circumstance, you can make quick and simple changes to help you feel more excited about life right now! Try the following tips:

Pick a hobby and take the first step toward starting it. Sometimes it’s easiest to add something new into our lives rather than attempt to massively delete or change major events.
Identify what it is that’s causing you to be in a rut. Are you afraid to make a change – do you fear failure – do you suffer low self-esteem and don’t feel deserving of something better? These are examples of the many questions you need to ask yourself in order to pinpoint what it is that keeps you stuck.
Create a vision board. Write out your goals without judgment. Dream big!! Eventually you will fine-tune these items and create practical methods to achieve what is possible.
Make a goal with three steps to accomplish it within a week. For example, if you are bored with your job, set and intention to research new opportunities. Then 1) pick three job websites and start exploring the various categories, 2) take a vocational skills assessment online and 3) redo your resume.
Say aloud what it is you change. For example, say “I am happily enjoying changing (fill in the blank) in my life for the better.”

Most Importantly, trust in your own resources! You can do it! But always remember you cannot control other people, places, or things, only your own reaction to them. And, you are responsible for being proactive in your life-so don’t wait around for a magic wand to make things better!

(Note – if you suffer from depression or debilitating anxiety and don’t believe you can make the changes you desire, please seek professional help.)

October 25, 2023

Creativity · How to Thrive! · Self-Love · Spirituality · Stress Management

The Power of Imagination – Bring Your Dreams to Light

The Power of Imagination-Bring Your Dreams to Light

Do you remember the days, as a young child, when you could sit in your room for hours all by yourself as long as you had your imagination to play with? Or, can you recall, as a teenager, having grandiose fantasies about how you were going to become world-renowned for your innovative contributions to the planet? Or, maybe you remember a time when you were the ultimate optimist and everyone else seemed so unnecessarily pessimistic?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions– you were in-tune with your imagination! Whether it came in the form of having make-believe friends, visualizing your future, or creating fictional stories about traveling to faraway places with your BFF– you were implementing the power of your imagination. Sadly, however, many of us grow to suppress our natural inclination to enjoy the playground of daydreaming without restrictions. Because of harsh parenting, societal judgments, experiencing trauma, or having your dreams squashed over and over again, you, like millions of other people, may have become dismissive of your dreams, maybe even cynical about life or your future.

Well, it’s time to interrupt this negative feedback loop and get back in touch with your inner world of play and imagination! Don’t know how to get started? Try the following:

Dream big-but accept that all your dreams won’t come true. While some people seem to be born with a silver spoon handed to them, most of us have to work hard at turning a dream into reality. But remember, you can’t make a dream reality if you don’t have any to start with.
Dreams don’t have to be grandiose. Rather, they can be practical and achievable. For instance, if your savings plan does not afford you that 50- foot yacht you’ve been eyeing your entire life–you might consider revising your fantasy to something more doable. Maybe you could save enough to charter a smaller boat with a few friends for a week, or you could volunteer to be crew on someone else’s boat– just to get the experience.
Pick something tangible to work toward. Break a big dream down into manageable parts. If you hope someday to have a million dollars, take steps everyday toward saving money. While maybe you’ll get lucky and find a winning lottery ticket, more than likely you’ll need to work to earn your pot of gold.
Sometimes, just allow a dream to remain a fantasy with no expectation of it ever becoming reality. Imagining positive experiences can boost the release of certain neurotransmitters in our brain associated with happy feelings. Just thinking about lying on the beach on a tropical island when you’re feeling stressed out can have a calming effect (unless of course, you hate the sun and have a fear of drowning J).
Interrupt catastrophic thinking as quickly as possible. There is no quicker way to turn a dream into a nightmare than by killing it off with dark thoughts. If you are traveling down a negative-thought highway, imagine a stop sign in your head and make a U-turn towards more positive thoughts.
Visualize a bubble around your dreams to protect from negativity around you. The world at large is not always so friendly toward dreamers. Sometimes it’s best to keep our dreams to ourselves. Those around us who tend to be highly pessimistic, envious of others, or fearful of taking any risks, will often attempt to quell any dreams we may be enjoying. If you encounter a dream-wrecker, don’t let him or her stop you from dreaming. Don’t personalize the negativity and refrain from sharing your visions with this person. Instead, share with someone who encourages and supports you!

So go ahead and make space in your daily life for imaginary play. While this challenge might be easier for parents of young children to fulfill, keep in mind that it’s possible to play in our minds at any age.

Happy daydreaming!

October 25, 2023

Body Image · How to Thrive! · Relationships · Self-Image · Self-Love · Spirituality · Stress Management

Vanity Insanity: Stop Obsessing about Beauty Ideals and Be Happy With Who You Are!

photo by Tiffany Luptak – www.tiffanyluptakphotography.com

Let’s face it – there’s no way around the fact that we live in a world obsessed with beauty ideals! Even those among us who claim to not buy into the obsession with physical appearance will sometimes report a gnawing sense of inadequacy, especially when they become trapped in the lair of comparing themselves to images portrayed as the most beautiful people in the world. As if the writers for People magazine ever survey the whole population, let alone have any idea what beauty is. Yet, every year we are inundated with such nonsense.

Of course, there is some survival value to looking our best. We do like attracting mates, and occasionally we may even want to keep one around long-term. J But looking our best is not the same as being beauty obsessed nor is it trying to conform or morph ourselves into someone’s arbitrary determination of what is beautiful and what isn’t. Although cliché—beauty truly lies in the eyes of the beholder. And, because beauty comes in so many different shapes, sizes, and colors, to continually fixate on a narrow vision creates a recipe for self-defeat, insecurities, and low self worth.

how do we stop giving a crap about such trivial matters as to whether or not we missed our hair appointment to cover up the “unsightly” gray, forgot to shave our armpits/legs, or failed to drop those 5 extra pounds before we took a vacation to the Bahamas? Mind you, I’m not suggesting we stop taking care of our exterior appearance. Quite the contrary. I am suggesting,, however, that we stop putting all of our focus on the outer shell and start shifting our attention to internal self-improvement. Here are 6 tips:

Chuck all of your fashion/beauty magazines. These magazines are aimed at making you feel inadequate so you will buy more products and services. Spend your money on more important things.
Focus on becoming the best you– not the best outer shell of you. For example, pick a quality you admire in others, such as being a compassionate person, and work on building up this quality in yourself.
Avoid plastic surgery, Botox, and any other expensive “beauty” enhancing procedures. Instead, try more natural remedies to keep your skin, hair, and nails healthy and vibrant. Too often, people opt for a quick fix instead of putting energy into eating healthfully, exercising, and minimizing stress. These will help create full body care with benefits to physical, mental and emotional wellbeing.
Keep mirror-time to a minimum. It’s ok to look in the mirror from time to time to do your daily routines. But, never ask the question: Mirror, mirror on the wall—who’s the fairest of them all? Unless, of course, you answer: “me.”
Embrace the aging process with excitement and grace! Remember youth doesn’t last forever. So instead of fighting the inevitable, enjoy the process and be appreciative every day of everything about yourself.
Focus your attention on who you are as a person, not what you look like. Build up your inner beauty by increasing self-love, compassion, empathy, generosity, etc.

The obsession with beauty is not an easy problem to solve. Having grown up in a family and subculture heavily focused on the importance of outer appearance, (resulting in a poor self-image and an eating disorder) I understand how hard it can be to ignore, let alone erase, this toxic messaging. But if you practice daily saying “no” to the pressure to chase the arbitrary beauty standards set forth in the media or in your own head, you will begin to feel better. Plus you will ultimately give yourself the biggest gift of all. Your inner light will shine more brightly–the truest beauty of all!

October 25, 2023

Anger · Creativity · How to Thrive! · Self-Love · Spirituality · Stress Management

God Needs a Vacation! Stop Waiting For Miracles and Take Charge of Your Own Life Now!

Let me start by saying that the content of this blog is in no way meant to offend anyone, especially those who have faith and belief in God. Rather, it’s simply meant to put a fire under your butt to urge you to take action in your life instead of idly waiting for external forces or sources to take action for you.

Plus, a little bit of humor never hurts!

I often ponder the question (as do many of us): “Who/What is God?” This is just one of the hundreds of questions I have when it comes to understanding God. And, while I can’t say I’ve ever come up with a definitive satisfactory answer, suffice it to say that I usually end up deciding that I hold spiritual faith in something, but I’m not entirely certain what that something is. And I must admit, my version of a higher power changes almost daily.

So if there is a God, what role should (S)He/It play in our lives? Maybe you’ve heard the saying: “God helps those who help themselves.” Seems like a good motto. Yet sadly, so many people have options at their fingertips to make things better, yet they remain stagnant in hope that the Universe will sweep in and fix everything for them. But many of these people would fare better claiming responsibility and taking constructive steps on their own toward changing what isn’t working. So maybe it would be better to take Him/Her/It out of the role of janitor (whose job is to clean up our messes) and instead give God a little break!

Well, why not? After all, the Universe is approximately 14 billion years old. Hence, God’s been around for even longer. So just like we all need a vacation from the intensity of our busy lives and responsibilities, wouldn’t it be nice for God to have a little R&R now and again? That doesn’t mean that God isn’t still ever-present. But maybe we all need to be a little more respectful and turn to ourselves and our community (even our Angels) for the help and support we need rather than constantly pester our purported Creator, especially when it comes to relatively trivial matters—such as, “please, God, let me get that promotion!”

So whether you have full faith and a unified internal sense of what God is to you– or you’re floundering about trying to figure it out – here are a few tips on how to claim the power you have at your own fingertips to make your life a little better.

Don’t dwell on the past or over predict your future. Instead, focus on taking immediate action in the present.
Practice the saying – “Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today.” Remember, by the time tomorrow shows up it will already be today.
If you’re having stress or some other life concern, rather than wait for a miracle to save you, instead – ask yourself what is in your power to do differently to make positive changes? More often than not, we have options for change. We just must assert them.
If you feel defeated and struggle with your own resources – ask a trusted friend or loved one who can point out feasible and reasonable actions you can take. While sometimes our friends can be leery of laying out perceptions they may have of us, especially those that might be considered negative, usually with prompting and encouragement, our true friends will give us valuable feedback about our struggles and our responsibility for creating them.
Beware of being a naysayer and/or someone who asks for help and then rejects it. Even if a suggestion you receive is not a perfect fit – modify it to your liking and take the action recommended.
Use community resources. While some communities are more resource-rich than others, with the accessibility of the Internet, more than likely you have resources available to you. Of course, you shouldn’t trust everything you read on the Internet. But if you gather information from reputable sources, you’ll likely walk away with something valuable.

I guess my message is: continue practicing your faith in God or a higher power if you have one. But please also consider giving God a little break and instead push yourself to take charge and make positive changes in your life now! And then when a miracle occurs you’ll truly appreciate it!

October 25, 2023