Don’t Contact Your Ex!

Break-ups come in all varieties from quick-and-simple to lengthy-and-complicated. Whether you have done the dumping or have just been dumped, almost always, a painful healing process ensues. However, just how intense or drawn-out that repair process will be heavily depends on how you deal with your former lover.

What’s the secret to getting through your emotional heartache as quickly as possible? The number one rule: Don’t contact your ex, no matter what! Even if your toilet is overflowing and he has historically been you ever-available handyman, don’t text, don’t call, or reach out in any other way. “Why,” you might ask? Because our minds often play funny tricks on us. And contacting your ex will merely give you the illusion you are still in a relationship with him and, hence, prolong fully realizing and accepting the end of it. In fact, each time you contact him, you set yourself back two steps.

Whether or not you believe me- you have considerable control over how quickly you can bounce back and return to the game of love. But you need to take back your heart and recognize that he is an empty well for water! So what do you do instead to keep the forward momentum going?

If you want to heal like the speed of lightening rather than wallow in sorrow and self-pity, practice the following 3 tips.

Keep yourself busy. Spend time with supportive family members and friends. Finish a project you’ve been putting on hold or volunteer for your favorite charity.
Reflect on what went wrong in the relationship. Don’t shame or blame yourself. Rather do an inventory of your own responsibility for the demise of the relationship. When you take accountability of your own actions you enable yourself to have a better relationship in the future.
Practice self-soothing. One of the reasons why most of us love being in a relationship involves the pleasure we receive from being cuddled by our lover. But his arms no longer reach out for you. So you must learn to give yourself the love and comfort you desire and not turn to him.

Of course, refraining from contact with your ex is no easy task, especially if you are still in love with the dude. Even harder will be those days when you feel so desperate to hear his voice and believe that he is the only one who can make your pain disappear. But no matter how strong the urge becomes, you simply must say “no” to the impulse to contact him. And remember, there are plenty of good guys out there and love will come again!