Friendships Archives - Dr. Debra Mandel

Communication · Friendships · Relationships · Romance · Stress Management

Do You Want To Play But Your Lover Says “Nay?” Six Tips to Having More Fun Together!

Most of us need relatively equal amounts of work, rest, and play in order to lead a balanced life.

The world, however, doesn’t always cooperate with us and sometimes we have to sacrifice what may well be our most favorite pastime– play! Plus, when we finally find the time to enjoy some fun, we won’t always be in sync with our partners, hence possibly leading to disappointment or conflict!

So you find yourself in a situation wherein you and your lover disagree more than occasionally on how to enjoy time together, here are six tips to help you freshen up your playtime!

1. Make sure that your partner isn’t avoiding contact with you for some unspoken reason. For instance, maybe you’ve made several attempts at having fun together but your “good time” has often deteriorated into a “bad time.” If there is something causing your partner to not want to hang out with you, address whatever it is ASAP!

2. Suggest options that appeal to both of you. If the two of you have varied interests without much overlap, you may need to exercise increased flexibility so that you both find playtime to be enjoyable. Consider taking turns picking the activity so that you each get your first choice evenly.

3. Once you settle on something to do together, even if it isn’t your favorite option, don’t complain. There is nothing worse than hanging out with a spoilsport.

4. Keep your expectations reasonable. Even highly compatible couples don’t always want to do the same thing, let alone at the same time.

5. Be empathetic toward your lover if he/she needs extra rest. Don’t take it personally. Just make sure that there isn’t something physically wrong causing fatigue. And remember: resting together can also sometimes be logged as playtime.

6. Remind your partner that a couple who plays together more likely stays together! Without any sort of pressure – state the importance of the relationship to you and how you want to do whatever you can to help it grow in a healthy way!

Now, most importantly, get in the sandbox and have some fun!!

October 25, 2023

Cats · Friendships · Relationships · Self-Love

Meet Prowler and Bobby (aka Puppycat): My Two Best Friends

Sometimes all we need is a little bit of love. Furry friends can often be our best friends. So if you’re ever feeling a tad bit down –cuddle with your pet. Don’t have one? No problem! You can borrow a (human) friend’s pet for some snuggles. Or, if none available, just go to YouTube and you’ll find hundreds of adorable videos of all sorts of animals. Plus, you can follow my posts as these two rascals, Prowler and Bobby, are making their big debut!

October 25, 2023

Communication · Creativity · Depression · Friendships · How to Thrive! · Relationships · Stress Management

Feeling Some Post-holiday Funk? Six Tips To Purge The Emotional Junk And Pave The Way To A New Year Free Of Gunk!

Some of us, myself included, can push ourselves to the limit by constantly trying to please others, giving the perfect gifts, and/or providing holiday cheer to all. While the excitement of all the festivities can exhilarate us to an adrenaline rush akin to jumping out of a plane – we may not always land on two feet. Hence, some will crash, leading to adrenal burnout or, at best, exhaustion!

If this speaks to you – try the following quick tips:

Practice the word “NO” for one whole week. I mean it. Unless it’s going to cost you your job or mess with your family duties, try rejecting request that you don’t have to do otherwise your energy will be depleted yet again.
Make time for exercise! This is not a prescription for diet and weight loss. Putting our bodies in motion makes us feel better. Whether you aim for three 10-minute walks a day or a jog in the park – just do something active.
Eat your greens and other highly nutritional foods. This probably sounds cliché and something your mother has always advised you of doing – but it really makes sense! More than likely you, like the rest of us, indulged in too much of those yummy treats surrounding us at family and friends’ gatherings. Healthy eating gives your body a chance to repair. Besides, you want to be prepared for extra helpings of your favorite chocolate at Valentine’s Day! J
Without breaking the budget or putting yourself in debt, treat yourself to something you didn’t get as a present, but desperately wanted. A little bit of healthy self-indulgence can actually make room for more compassion and energy for others.
Make a date with your closest friend or your lover where you can hang out and relax with no pressure to accomplish anything. Simple bonding with another human being can help to soothe built-up tension. And if you can add in a couple of hugs—all the better!
Release any negative energy that may have developed from unpleasant family interactions. This can come in the form of meditation, journaling, deep breathing, or anything else that invites in positive flow.

So here’s to a funk and gunk-free, slam dunk New Year. Now there’s a mouthful!

October 25, 2023

Creativity · Depression · Friendships · How to Thrive! · Monday Mood Modifier · Relationships · Self-Love · Stress Management

Monday Mood Modifier: Six Tips To Beating The Holiday Blues

Are you excited about the holidays or do you have a sinking feeling of dread? Or maybe, you have a mixture of both. While for many people the holidays can conjure up positive memories and anticipation of good times –for others, the year-end festivities bring about sadness, stress, and possibly even despair.

Some people have always had a “Scrooge-like” attitude toward “tis-the-season-to-be…” whereas others may have once welcomed the winter gatherings but have now developed negative sentiments because of various life events. For instance, up until four years ago, I had always looked forward to year-end celebrations. But then, my father passed smack dab in the middle of the holiday season. While it was clearly time for my pops to let go and say “goodbye”, I now experience bittersweet feelings when this time of year approaches—a mixture of both joy and a sense of loss and sadness.

The holidays can also raise levels of angst because family members don’t get along or because someone doesn’t have family and friends close by. If you’re somebody who cringes at the sight of penguins on wrapping paper or shelves of menorahs begging to be bought, it just might be time to generate or rekindle some holiday spirit. Try the following six mood modifiers:

If you buy presents for others – remember it’s the thought that counts. Too many people stress over picking the perfect gift. You can’t please everyone all the time. So cut yourself some slack.
Stay within your budget. In other words, don’t kill the buzz by racking up credit card debt you’ll have to pay down for the entire next year!
Create your own group of loved ones to share special time with during the season. If you don’t have family around, or you have family but you don’t care to spend time with them, gather up a group of friends. Plus, celebratory gatherings don’t have to land on the specific day of a holiday, just plan something during the season so you have an event to look forward to.
Take care of your own needs. Many people burn out during the holiday season because they put everybody else’s needs first and forget about their own needs. So be mindful of striking a balance between the two.
Do activities to relieve stress. Examples: exercising, resting, eating healthfully, walking the dog, etc.
If you find yourself melancholy, then allow yourself a bit of indulgence in experiencing your feelings to the fullest. But don’t make it a pity party. Instead, give yourself a time limit so that once you’ve had a good cry it’s time to pick yourself up and face the day!

Ok – so maybe you won’t be “dashing through the snow…laughing all the way,” but at least you won’t be saying “bah humbug!”

October 25, 2023

Communication · Friendships · Relationships · Romance · Stress Management

Monday Mood Modifier: ”Bearly” Getting By? Five Tips To Perk Yourself Up!

Photo by Dr. Debra (taken in Ketchikan, Alaska)

Does your life sometimes feel overwhelmingly difficult? Do you sometimes wake up in a mood that resembles the roar of a grizzly bear? Don’t despair – you can get yourself back on track with just a few simple tasks.

Splash cold water on your face and tell yourself: “this too shall pass.”
Make a list of five things you appreciate about your life.
Take a walk or do some jumping jacks–something to get your energy flowing.
Do a “burning bowl” – write out all of your worries or negative thoughts on a piece of paper, then take them outside in a safe place and light the paper on fire. Tell the universe to help absorb the unwanted energy.
Read an inspirational quote. Can’t find one: ask a friend!

October 25, 2023

Communication · Friendships · Relationships · Romance

When You Feel Funny About Your Friend’s Honey

Have you ever been in the position of having a close friend whom you perceive to be in a bad relationship, but your friend is blinded by “love?” You want to tell her what you think but you’re pretty certain she won’t listen. Or worse yet, she might falsely believe you are jealous or envious of her and then won’t trust your genuine intentions of helping her steer clear of a future broken-heart. If you’ve ever experienced this scenario, you know how awkward and uncomfortable this situation can be. And, you may be at a loss for what to do and/or question whether you should do anything at all.

I can say for certain that I have been in several not-so-good, and even downright abusive relationships, wherein I knew my friends could see the writing on the wall—but I was too invested, too stubborn, or too whatever to see the red flags in front of me. Yet, because they feared my possible reaction and didn’t want to offend me, many very insightful opinions were never spoken. As a result, I probably stayed longer in these dead-end, painful, relationships than would have been necessary had someone had the “courage” to speak her mind and set me straight. Mind you, this is not anyone else’s fault, and it certainly isn’t anyone’s responsibility to micromanage someone’s chosen love path. But I think many of us go mute for fear of undesirable consequences when a friend may truly need a wake-up call.

If you know someone you believe is headed down, or already on, misery row—you might try the following course or action:

Check your motives! Be certain you are not operating out of jealousy or envy but rather out of pure concern for your friend’s wellbeing.
Before diving in with your laundry list of doubts, ask your friend first if he/she is open to feedback concerning your observations/opinions about his/her relationship. Often times, people are more receptive to feedback if they feel it has been solicited rather than completely unsolicited.
1. If the answer is “no,” then let it go. Of course, in a situation where your friend is being abused, you probably shouldn’t remain silent. Your statement may be as simple as, “I care about you and I want you to be aware that I am very worried about you and hope you will reconsider the relationship you have chosen.” If your friend blows you off—at least you will have a clear conscience that you have voiced your fear. Hopefully, somewhere down the line, when she figures it out for herself, she will seek your aid and see you as her ally, not her enemy.
2. If the answer if “yes”, tread softly-but directly. You might say something like: “I don’t want to interfere with your choices, and this is only my opinion, but…(insert your opinion here).”
Give a personal example. Many people become more receptive to feedback when they have a sense that the messenger has shared in a similar personal experience. So if you have had a relationship in your life wherein you were blind-sighted to all the warning signs, let your friend know that he is not alone and that you are coming from a place of empathy, not harsh judgment.
Be prepared for some awkwardness between you and your friend. Most people are pretty sensitive when it comes to matters of the heart. Simultaneously, most of us like the approval from our friends as to the choices we make in our lives. If these two are in contrast, conflict can ensue. But conflict is not always a bad thing and can sometimes drive our friendships to deeper and more meaningful levels.

Probably of most importance is to let your friend know that you respect his/her choices and you will do your best to stand by him/her no matter what!

October 25, 2023