Six Tips on How to Share Your Thoughts, Feelings, and Fears With A Potential Beau!
No one single “right” way exists on how to share your inner self with a lover. But certainly some ways are better than others. As a personal example, many moons ago, I went on a date with a guy I had a big crush on. Because of the out-of-control butterflies in my gut, I lost all of my composure and blurted out every skeleton from my closet as if giving him a costume preview for an upcoming horror movie! Outcome? No second date!
So how do you express your hidden truths without being overwhelming to another? Below are six tips:
- Share feelings in a simple fashion. Most people will welcome knowledge of your emotions as long as you don’t express them within an accusation.
- Take ownership of yourself. While others influence what we think and feel, ultimately we are responsible for our actions.
- Don’t give power to your insecurities, especially those you developed from past relationships. Instead, try presuming that you will be perceived in a positive rather than a negative light, so make room for new beginnings.
- Develop a keener sense as to the difference between your “needs” versus your “preferences.” While we all need acceptance, attention, affection, etc., we don’t need these from any one particular person. Once we become independent, we can get our needs met by a variety of different people. By accepting this reality, we reduce the chance of coming across as “too needy.”
- Gauge your expressions according to your listener’s response. If you share your vulnerabilities and he grimaces, then best to zip up and note the red flag in front of you. But if he leans in with words of compassion and he encourages you to continue, you can increasingly divulge more. Just don’t purge all at once like I did!
- Encourage him to share about his deeper self as well! If it’s all one-sided, you’ll likely create a fear of having said too much. “I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours” can be a valuable practice.
Most importantly, as you begin your love affair remember that true intimacy requires fully knowing each other’s insides! So happy sharing!