Avoiding First Date Disasters: 10 Tips to Get a Second Date

While some folks truly enjoy the rush of a first date encounter, many people find the experience to be paralyzing, anxiety-ridden, and something to be avoided at all costs. But unless you happen to meet Mr. Right or Ms. Awesome in a random chance encounter while ordering your nonfat, Caramel Latte, no additional sweetener, extra caramel at your favorite café, you’re probably going to have to do the dating thing if you want to pursue romantic love. So how do you keep the dating experience positive and avoid sticking your foot in your mouth? Below are 10 tips to keep in mind if you’d like to get to a second date! (BTW—these guidelines assume you’ve had only minimal contact with the person you’re meeting for the first time.)

Keep the chitter-chatter light and simple. While many people cringe at the thought of “small talk,” we must practice this necessary evil upon a first encounter and demonstrate self-restraint. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t divulge anything personal, but be careful not to explode with intimate details about the traumas and tragedies from your history. Letting someone know you ended a bad relationship a few years ago, setting back your trust a bit, is fine whereas unloading all of your issues, while feverishly slurping pasta with sauce dripping down your chin, is not!
Meet face-to-face at a neutral place. While beautiful ambience can create positive feelings, avoid meeting at a romantic spot or a super pretty place on a first date. The idea is to get a sense of whether you see possibilities in the person you’re meeting and not get distracted or enamored by the immediate surrounds. That doesn’t mean you have to meet at a dive bar or an ugly, rundown park. Rather, just pick a neutral place with a good vibe and a noise level conducive for good conversation.
Pick an activity with low adrenaline. Too much action may cloud your judgment as to whether you actually like your date or are just pumped up from the rush of the activity. Good choices: meeting for coffee/tea, picnic at a park, grabbing a light lunch or dinner.
Minimize alcohol consumption. I’m sure this is obvious, but I can’t tell you how many men and women have reported having had too much to drink on a first date and then not being able to accurately reflect on the quality of the person with whom they chugged Tequila shots. If you’re plagued by uncomfortable first-date jitters, excuse yourself to the bathroom and practice healthier relaxation tools, such as deep breathing or soothing visualizations.
Don’t dress to impress. That doesn’t mean you should dress to under-impress or repel. Rather create an external package that is reflective of how you would dress if you were in an ongoing relationship. For instance, if as a woman, you prefer to wear flats—don’t wear five-inch stilettos. You’ll just look awkward; not sexy!
Accept compliments graciously. While all of us have some holes in our self-esteem, if someone expresses appreciation for one of your qualities and you negate the compliment, the deliveryman/woman may end up feeling slighted and perceive you as an insecure person. Granted, some people are turned on by those who lack self-worth. But if you move forward with this type of person, you’ll likely discover you will be controlled in the relationship and kept on the lower end of the totem pole. Overtime, your self-value will whither away even further. So if you lack confidence, you should probably consider postponing the dating game until you build up your inner self-love.
Be on time (or no more than ten minutes fashionably late). While some people have high tolerance for tardiness, most people find it to be rude and inconsiderate. If you are running late, make sure to let your date know as soon as you know you won’t make the date on time. Waiting until the actual meeting time to inform your date of your lateness may also be perceived as inconsiderate!
Keep a balance in the conversation. Some people talk a lot because of nervous energy, but others simply talk nonstop about themselves because they truly believe they are more “special” and important than anyone else. While it’s good to share about your interests and experiences, make sure you attend to your date as well. Ask questions and comment on the responses. If your date doesn’t reciprocate in kind, it may be a red flag that he/she will be a lousy relationship partner because he/she won’t give a rat’s ass about you or your needs. (BTW—if food is involved in the date: don’t talk with your mouth full!)
If you had a nice time-say so. Playing the coy game of keeping ‘em guessing, doesn’t really pan out to be a good tactic for successful dating. Don’t go overboard with excitement, but it’s cool to let your date know if you had fun. On the other hand, don’t be rude if you have no intentions of ever seeing this person again. However, if you’re sure he/she will never be a contender, don’t make false promises or directives to call you. Instead, be gentle and honest and say something like: “Glad we had a chance to meet but I just don’t think we would be a good fit. But I wish you all the best!”
No sex—no matter what (unless you’re willing to risk the high probability that you will never hear from or see this person again.) Whether he or she is the hottest being on the planet and you’re salivating for a romp in the hay—just say “no.” You can’t possibly know enough about a person on a first date to warrant a sexual encounter and you deserve more opportunities to discover whether or not this is a person with whom you’d like to become intimate. Of course, if all you want is a one-night stand, then at least practice safe sex and be prepared for it to be a lousy and unfulfilling experience!

Remember these are just guidelines, not absolutes. Also, keep in mind that sometimes people deserve a second chance. Just like tasting a fine wine—the first sip is not always representative of how it will ultimately either delight or repel your taste buds. Sometimes people also need more than one sampling to truly know whether their flavors will tickle your fancy. So don’t be too hasty and rule someone out at first glance, unless of course you see blazing deal-breakers right out of the gate!

Happy Dating!!