When In Doubt – Talk It Out!

When In Doubt–Talk It Out!

So many of us have been taught to keep our problems to ourselves, not share our vulnerabilities and/or act as if everything is “ok,” even if our lives stink! But, these are not healthy beliefs. Holding onto negative thoughts, feelings, and experiences without ever sharing them with others can leave us in a state of shame, depression, or anxiety. This is true for both men and women. While men may be more likely to profess that they don’t benefit as much from sharing with others, I beg to differ as I have witnessed many warrior-like men experience a feeling of lightness and relief when they get things off their chests. Sure, they may do their version of sharing in a different manner than women (i.e., during a basketball game, or while flipping burgers on the BBQ). Nevertheless, they do still benefit from opening up to others. So whether you are man or woman, young or old– if you’re prone to keeping your inner world a secret—instead, I encourage you to talk it out!

Of course, it’s not always easy to counteract an old internalized belief. I, for one, was taught to be stoic, which was terrible for someone like me who is very sensitive and emotionally expressive. While I would open my heart to listen to anyone who wished to share her/his inner life with me, I was too darn scared of judgment and ridicule from others if I were I to self-disclose. Hence, I would tell the world I was “FINE” when in actuality I was suffering from despair. BTW—I later learned in my work in hospital settings that FINE is an acronym for “f.cked up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional.” So I guess saying I was “fine” was actually the truth-LOL. In any case, I eventually learned that my own internal critic was far harsher than whatever I would encounter from other people. So if you’re scared to let loose, that’s okay. You can begin at any time to practice opening up to others and potentially receive support and love you may have been missing out on after all these years.

To help you get started and reap the rewards of sharing your inner world, below are a few guidelines:

1. Pick someone whom you trust is going to offer compassion or support as opposed to criticism or judgment.
2. Practice with a pet, if you have one. Animals can be ever so soothing to our souls.
3. Say aloud in front of a mirror whatever you fear saying to another.
4. Remind yourself that even if someone judges you harshly, it’s not the end of the world.
5. Use “I” statements and avoid accusations of others. Most people will be surprisingly loving if you share about a problem, even if the problem you’re having involves the person with whom you’re talking, unless you are blaming or pointing fingers.

So, when in doubt, talk it out!

And if you haven’t already done so, please tune-in to my weekly radio show on www.latalkradio.com (channel one: Talk It Out) on Tuesdays from 1-2 pm PT. If you can’t listen live, you can download any show and listen anytime!