Is Your Relationship Doomed? – 5 Telltale Signs

Is Your Relationship Doomed?–5 Telltale Signs

Ending a relationship inevitably comes along with tremendous pain for a couple. But sometimes it’s better to cut your losses before you get in too deep rather than continue moving forward in a relationship that is most likely doomed to fail anyway. Mind you, as a Love Warrior, it takes a lot for me to recommend that someone walk away from a long-term relationship, especially if there are complicating factors such as sharing children or being co-mingled financially. Yet while I strongly advocate for doing everything possible to try to save a relationship (especially if there once was love between the couple), in some cases it’s better to endure the pain and grief from ending it rather than suffer longer-term unhappiness. Below are several scenarios where it might just be in everyone’s best interest to say “c’est la vie” and move on!

1. You discover that your partner has been cheating on you.

Sure, if there had been a one-time kiss or minor infraction during the early stage of dating before firm commitments or vows were made, then that may draw a different conclusion. But if your partner has been two-timing you all along and/or he/she does not want to change his/her ways—there’s a very slim chance of ever regaining trust. And without trust—a relationship cannot be healthy.

2. You discover a truly offensive big secret about your partner.

For instance – you find out your guy watches lots of porn, you ask him to stop, and he refuses. In this situation, your partner is demonstrating that your concerns do not matter to him. Without mutual and reciprocal care of one another, you will become a doormat and that is never a happy scene.

3. One or both of you change something in your value system that will significantly affect your long-term compatibility.

For instance, your wife, once a devout Catholic, decides to throw all religion away and become an atheist and you want to remain true to your faith. Or you both had agreed to either have children or not have children and one of you changes your mind and isn’t willing to converse or negotiate about the subject. While many healthy couples face these dilemmas all the time, if there is no willingness to negotiate, then one person becomes solely dominant in the decision-making process. Unless someone is extremely passive and wants a secondary role in the relationship, resentments are bound to build until they boil over in ugly unresolvable conflict.

4. You realize you’ve actually made a big mistake.

For instance, your relationship began in a crisis wherein one of you rescued the other out of a bad situation, and now that things are settled, you find that you’re no longer attracted to your partner or you find out you have very little in common. While this may not be a time to end the relationship altogether, it certainly warrants a pause and possibly some counseling to see if it makes sense to move forward as a couple. Generally speaking, however, if attraction completely dies, it’s virtually impossible to resurrect it. And if you have little in common with someone, then you’ll most likely distance yourself from your partner and possibly create a fertile ground for infidelity. While opposites often attract, it’s generally similarities that keep people together. Mind you, if children are in the picture, then I would recommend much further exploration of this issue. But certainly, if you’re not already married and/or you don’t have other extenuating circumstance that keep you together, go find someone who lights your fire and with whom you can’t wait to share your day!

5. Your partner develops some type of illness, either mental or physical, and you don’t think you have the stamina to deal with it.

While this may seem cruel to leave someone with an illness—some people do not have the ability to handle these things. Mind you, probably not a good idea to abandon your lover in a crisis—but if you’re not burdened by other variables, you should think long and hard about whether you can handle the situation without secretly or overtly “hating” your partner for not being the person you signed up for. Of course, if you’ve been with someone for many years, I would hope that you would work on becoming more compassionate and tolerant of unforeseeable changes and events. But if you’ve only recently started dating and haven’t made any long term commitments, I think it’s fair to accept your limits and allow your partner to find someone who is more of a caregiver.

If any of these scenarios occur and if you truly love one another, first seek relationship counseling to see if you can sort things out. If you do decide to break away, clearly it’s always best to do so lovingly and kindly, even if your partner is angry with you for your decision to leave. Also, everyone’s situation is unique. So please don’t pull the break-up trigger based on my outline unless it’s truly the right decision for you!