How to Thrive!

Tips for Thriving

Life inevitably throws us many curve balls, some of which can be quite jolting to our sense of balance and our overall functioning. However, it’s not the absence of these jolts that determine our quality of life. Rather, it’s determined by how well we learn to spot the oncoming balls, swing the bat with skill and finesse, and hit them out of the park to quickly reestablish our equilibrium. In other words, we can’t stop the universe from throwing adversity at us altogether, but we can develop a healthy mindset and an effective toolbox to help reduce any potential negative impact to our well-being. And in doing so, we become our most ALIVE and we can finally THRIVE!

“Thrivers” differ significantly from “survivors” or “victims.” Clearly, some people truly do experience events in which they are rendered completely helpless –as in the case of being held at gunpoint, or being abused as a child by a trusted caregiver. And to survive such trauma is a statement of strength and endurance. However when people stay stuck in a survivor or victim mentality, they never get to fully live their lives because they remain confined within a psychological prison. In essence, the identification with traumatic experiences from our past prohibits or hinders our ability to live freely in the present moment. Plus, it negatively affects our chance at creating a positive future. Hence, victims/survivors often miss out on experiencing the good things in life, even when positive things are happening right under their noses.

Thrivers, on the other hand, regardless of having endured trauma in their lives (remote or more recent), are not defined by their painful emotional or physical experiences. While they certainly feel the myriad of emotions that often go hand in hand with trauma (big or small), they have a knack for moving through their feelings and forward without too much residual pain.

They break free from the chains of negative emotions and tend to be able to draw into their lives increasingly more positivity and happiness.

Clearly this is an oversimplification—but it certainly gets the ball rolling in the right direction.

Below are 10 prominent characteristics of Thrivers:

  1. They see the glass as half full and they persevere in developing the skills to fill it up.
  2. They neither seek problems nor avoid them.
  3. They are independent yet not afraid to seek or ask for help.
  4. They neither mistreat people nor allow others to mistreat them.
  5. They transform adversity into strength.
  6. They have the courage to change their approach to life depending upon the circumstances in front of them and to try new things.
  7. They have enthusiasm and excitement about what the future holds.
  8. They are deeply compassionate toward others but do not lose themselves in other people’s problems.
  9. They recognize and accept where they have control and where they don’t.
  10. They take responsibility for their actions and quickly make amends when they recognize the mistakes they have made.

So how can you increase your “Thriver Quotient?”

Of course, if you are in the middle of a crisis, or you suffer from depression, anxiety or other debilitating conditions, then being able to thrive may require much more time and effort on your part. But don’t give up! I’ve seen hundreds of people, whose lives have been mired in pain and misfortune, be able to find the silver lining in even the worst of life’s situations. Take Lisa for example, a thirty-something-year old mother whose husband left her to care for their two young children without a trace of his whereabouts. He just upped and bailed on his responsibilities as a husband and father. Lisa had been abused as a child, and had overcome drug addiction. She had believed she had finally found a man who wouldn’t betray her trust and who would protect her from the ills of the world. She had very limited financial resources and if it weren’t for her children she probably would have committed suicide. But thankfully, something lit up inside her that pushed her to find her way through the devastation of her life situation. Through our work together she came out the other side. And while she would never have wished these events upon herself or anyone, she was able to actually say that she was a stronger and better person for having gone through these hardships!

So, please use Lisa’s story as inspiration. And, try to be open-minded and willing to entertain the idea that you, too, can learn to thrive!

Below are some tips on how to get your thriver engine running!

  1. Practice daily acts of kindness toward yourself and others.
  2. Work toward reducing harsh judgments aimed at yourself or others.
  3. Practice gratitude and focus on what resources and strengths you already have.
  4. If you discover areas of weakness within yourself, work toward creating positive incentives to make changes for the better in your life.
  5. Keep in mind, that we almost always have choices if we are independent, even if many of the options stink.
  6. Refrain from envying what others have and instead focus on how to improve what you already have and/or take steps to get for yourself what others have that you desire.
  7. Accept your areas of vulnerability and embrace who you are.
  8. Learn to respect and appreciate differences in others.
  9. Get help when you need it.
  10. Surround yourself with positive and compassionate people.

I know this may seem like an ominous challenge. But just pick even one item from the list above and come up with concrete ways to put the tip into effect. If you make a commitment to yourself to become a thriver, you’ve taken the first and most important step toward laying a foundation for betterment to occur. As was so aptly said in the movie, The Field of Dreams, “If you build it, they will come.”