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The Test: How Does Your "Old Stuff" Affect You In The Workplace?

If you are consciously aware of your "old stuff," you probably won't be shocked by your responses to many or most of these questions. And if you're reluctant to admit that you have any leftover vulnerabilities because you consider it a sign of weakness, then let me remind you of something very important: the best way to deal with your painful or adverse experiences isn't to deny them, but to transform them into resources.

Keep in mind that the presence of old wounds shows no favoritism to race, gender, intelligence, socioeconomic status, or profession. You could be a lawyer, doctor, engineer, secretary, caterer, contractor, salesperson, postal worker, or electrician. I could go on and on-name a profession and I'll show you many wounded birds among them.

Let's also debunk the myth that people with wounds cannot be successful. Quite the contrary. In fact, you yourself have probably already managed to achieve a measure of success in life. But regardless of where you stand on the success ladder, you can benefit from looking deeper into the subtle ways your old stuff may be keeping you from shining even more. Or if you're truly free of leftover stuff, read on anyway. If nothing else, you can learn how to keep from getting sucked into the chaos of someone else's issues running amok. And you can develop greater compassion and empathy for others-two very important qualities for creating positive workplace relationships (or any other kinds of relationships).

Most importantly, I encourage you to keep an open mind. Our vulnerabilities become our strengths only once we acknowledge and embrace them. Thus, the more you grasp the reality of where you might be stuck, the quicker you'll progress.

Now: read the following twenty questions, and choose the response that best describes how you feel most of the time. Then add up your total score. There are no trick questions here. And keep in mind that you don't have to share your responses with anyone but yourself, so be very candid. After all, if you aren't honest because you're too embarrassed to admit the truth, it will only delay your progress.
Scoring key
Never (0 points) Frequently (3 points)
Seldom (1 point) Always (4 points)
Sometimes (2 points)
Give yourself a 0, 1, 2, 3, or 4 according to your answer to each question.

1. Do you feel disrespected by your coworkers, bosses, and/or employees?
2. Do you expect coworkers, bosses, or employees to be your friends?
3. Do you expect or wish that coworkers, bosses, or employees would grant you special favors when you perform below standard, such as when you've been out sick, shown up late, or missed a deadline?
4. Do you wish that your boss or coworkers appreciated you more?
5. Do you take responsibility for the workload of others who are slacking off?
6. Do you have a fear of conflict that keeps you from speaking up about unfairness?
7. Do you censor yourself because you fear being fired or hurting someone's feelings?
8. Do you go out of your way to befriend people in the workplace whom you would
not want to be friends with outside of the workplace?
9. Do you envy other people's success?
10. Do you have trouble keeping boundaries with your coworkers (e.g., you let them know things about your personal life that have nothing to do with your work situation)?
11. Do you feel hurt or become defensive when you receive criticism about your work performance?
12. Do you ever feel that others in your field judge you harshly even when no one has voiced criticism?
13. Do you have difficulty not thinking about your work or the workplace when you are supposed to be enjoying free time?
14. Do you have difficulty evaluating your own job performance?
15. Do you become argumentative with coworkers, bosses, or employees?
16. Do you believe you are not living up to your full potential?
17. Do you keep yourself from excelling in the presence of others for fear of their envy or jealousy?
18. Do you let others make decisions for you, even when your gut tells you it's the wrong choice for you?
19. Do you have difficulty saying "no" to unreasonable requests from coworkers, bosses, or employees?
20. Do you withhold your honest opinions about work-related issues for fear that you'll be disliked?

_____ YOUR TOTAL SCORE

Once you've finished and added up your score, refer to the evaluation below to discover how much your old baggage continues to affect you in your workplace. Don't judge yourself harshly if you score high. There's nothing wrong with you! If you are just now discovering that you have some emotional bruises, you couldn't possibly have known that they could interfere with your work. And, even if you have known about them, you've never been given the code for connecting the dots.

If you score between 0 and 5, you most likely only have minimal traces of emotional bruising. You probably do not suffer too much in the workplace. However, since this is not rocket science, it's also possible that the test may not be picking up on some of the subtleties of your vulnerabilities.
Even if you don't personally relate you might become better able to spot someone in your workplace (or in your personal sphere) who does. If this is the case, you can be helpful in keeping the interactions on a positive note by understanding the dynamics operating in others.

Level One: 6-25
Level Two: 26-55
Level Three: 56-80

Level One : You suffer only a small amount of emotional sensitivity that carries over in the workplace. You may have done some emotional repair work already, or your childhood bruises were not the type or the intensity that would lead to too much difficulty in your adult life. Or they may only surface in intimate relationships, where you are most vulnerable. That's great, but it doesn't necessarily mean you are living up to your full potential. You could still profit from learning some new tools to help you thrive.

Level Two : You probably have a significant amount of distress in your day-to-day life that inevitably bleeds into the workplace. While you're probably pretty good at setting healthy limits with many people in the workplace, a few workmates may push your buttons and you're likely to struggle with them. You may even be aware while this is happening, or at least shortly after, but you can't seem to stop the reflex. You're probably puzzled when this happens and torment yourself trying to understand "why?" You don't experience yourself as having many, if any, unhealed bruises, but you're constantly struggling to keep things balanced. You don't often feel peace of mind. You most likely experience pressure to perform to unrealistic standards, and unknowingly expect others to make up for something you didn't get from childhood.

Level Three : You probably experience distress a great deal of time. You're using up much more energy managing emotional sensitivities than you are in performing your duties. You may be exhausted from trying to please people, especially those who will likely never be pleased. You're easily hurt by others and don't feel very good about yourself. You may have used the workplace as a substitute for truly intimate relationships in your personal life. Or you may be relying on inappropriate people or sources in the workplace to solve your problems from your personal life. You may feel like a slave to your job-trapped with nowhere to go. You probably take responsibility for things you can't really control, and therefore have no energy or motivation to take charge of the things that you actually can control. You may have times where you feel like a young child with no options other than to become enraged, frustrated, or helpless. You desperately want to feel better, but because you keep going to empty wells for water, you're parched most of the time. But don't worry-there is a way out!
As painful as it can sometimes be to acknowledge that we have problems, it is through the process of admitting to our issues that allows us to pave the way toward growth and empowerment.

So, read on, get rid of the chains of the past, and finally take joy in one of the biggest parts of your life-YOUR WORK!

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